| lately i have been doing nothing but procrastinating.... here's my to-do list
taxes
prepare my vegetable garden
write up new resume
drop resume off at every nursery nearby
start research paper for foreign policy class (OVERDUE!!)
clean car, inside and out
get sewing machine to work, and finish ongoing projects
finish yard sale (i'm selling until it's all gone)
and so much else... i don't even want to think about it. and i'll tell you what- today is my day off, and i am not going to do ANY of it. so there.
i hung out with chris on tuesday. it was great, but i kept having the urge to grab him, kiss him, rip his clothes off, ect. needless to say none of that happened, so i went to work pissy and unfulfilled. mike immediatly picked up on that and as we were drinking beer and smoking a bowl in theater 2, heconfessed that he has the hots for me (which i already knew) and he couldn't understand why i have such a hard time getting laid. So, here was the situation;
one horney guy
one horney girl
beer
weed
big empty theater at night
no one else around.
Hmmm.... can anyone figure out what happened? no, we didn't "go all the way" but you can rest assured that we both went home satisfied. So why do i feel bad? because mike has a girlfriend. i am such a bitch!! i have only met her once, but i immediatly liked her (and i DON'T like girls normaly) and i feel like shit for doing this to her- they have been together for five years! on the other hand, however, i know that she has cheated on mike. and i know that mike has cheated on her in the past. AND, i know that human beings have physical needs, and neither mine nor mike's have been met adequatly. in fact, i know that mike has gone MORE THAN FIVE YEARS without a blowjob, and that just isn't right. still though, i can't stand the feeling in my stomach that i have been fooling around with someone elses boyfriend. i remember what it felt like when garrett just KISSED another girl while we were together, and i don't want to put heather through that. BUT, on the other (yes, the third) hand i don't think that she will ever find out, unless mike says something, which he wont.
so, what should i do? i know that he'll want to do it again the next time it is just the two of us (which doesn't happen too often) and i would be lying if i said that i didn't want that, too. you could argue that the damage has been done, and thus doing it again wont make much difference. but that lousy concience of mine just keeps telling me not to. help! |
